Hamcats, last week the Stufts headed back to Legoland, and you know what THAT means!
But much like the Wonder Brothers enjoying the cozy and nurturing world of gym day care
while Stuft burns all the calories (no, ALL of them), first we have that “serious running chat” that she promised us last time. Stuft is actually quite fast for an amateur and she runs some pretty big races, so I’m psyched to hear her useful advice for us peons!
The general wisdom on distance running has you follow a 10-20 week plan to build speed and stamina on the way to a big goal race, followed by sufficient time to recover (generally 1-2 weeks OFF, and 14-16 weeks MINIMUM between marathons). Races under 20 miles generally do not cause the same wear and tear on the body, thus requiring less recovery time, and it is common to run a 10K or half marathon while training for the next distance up.
Most plans hinge on three key runs per week, with additional easy runs, cross-training, or beautiful, golden rest days making up the rest of the week. The runs should include a speed workout, a mid-range run around race goal pace for the bulk of it, and a long slow run well above target pace to build aerobic endurance.
Oops, I’m sorry, hamcats. It looks like some, you know, running talk slipped in. On the other hand, here is what Stuft, who writes a frakking running blog, means by serious running chat:
I thought I’d pass these two awesome articles along about running.
Hey now! That’s eleven mostly coherent words. Eleven words is more than it takes to earn a UNC diploma these days.
The first one is about 8 basic types of runs.
Shockingly, this is NOT a review of the Quest bar experience. Stuft notes that she does the “occasional” interval run, probably because “ramping up the treadmill so high you can’t keep up and must rest on the sides” is not one of the eight types.
The second article is not an “article” as such. It says that running is hard and offers three workouts to make it harder. Stuft thinks they are “scary,” I’m guessing because the whole idea of speed workouts is that you run harder but run *less*.
Stuft is, of course, much more comfortable talking about her own running:
Um, talking about her running:
Fun fact: Stuft notes that she slept in that bra and then prancercized off to spin class.
I’m two weeks out from the TCS New York Marathon and should be officially into my taper.
I’m pretty sure that this is the one time “randomly” would actually be the right adverb, because
Stuft then launches into a long explanation of all the things she has been doing wrong if NYC is a goal race for her, such as running a hilly trail half marathon a month before, running a marathon three weeks before, running 18 miles after teaching a boot camp class two weeks before, running a half marathon the week before, and scheduling another marathon two weeks afterward.
Of course, this is just the *first* of Stuft’s scheduled “teehee everything in my life is so tough I don’t care how well I do I’m just going to run this race to
burn calories run the race.” In other words, Stuft has a goal time and is scared of losing face if she doesn’t hit it.
In fact, “officially into my taper”, Stuft ran 72 miles that she was willing to post. (Plus at least eight aerobics classes.) Running even more miles than usual is totally how I taper, how about you?
Since another key part of tapering is not doing anything new, Stuft added in a progression run because fangirls said they liked them. These, of course, are the same fangirls who suggested back in August that Stuft might be slumping because of the changing seasons in San Diego, so I, too, turn to them for training suggestions.
Last Friday, the Demolition Brothers got to go to a Halloween party at Legoland with their father, mother, and mother’s camera.
75 degrees and sunny = jeans and a fleece-lined sweatshirt. Yup.
Being “in the moment” is very important to Stuft as a mother, which is why that is the only happy family portrait of the evening. She just blogged a little about a couple rides and how much fun th
In fact, the Wonder Twins hadn’t even changed into their costumes before
It was right about here when Stuft Daddy said “I hope you drop that thing” in reference to my camera. I didn’t drop it.
Look, I understand wanting to document fun experiences, especially when your memory is dulled from starvation and overexercise. (Noakes has some really interesting comments on peak training and creativity, or loss thereof, in Lore of Running). But there are personal memories, and then there is INSISTING TO THE WHOLE INTERNET THAT YOU ARE A GOOD MOM WHO SPENDS TIME WITH HER CHILDREN AND HERE HAVE FORTY PHOTOS OF BLURRY FIREWORKS AND HALF-EATEN KIDDIE PIZZAS SEE I AM A GOOD MOM TELL ME HOW GOOD A MOM I AM I AM I I ME ME ME.
The Stufts very clearly had just as much fun on Sunday, when–sadly bereft of a race of her own–Renfrew Barbie invited them to church. I mean, to watch a race.
Reading the actual Bible might bring up uncomfy ideas about “idolatry” and “vanity” and “keeping holy the Sabbath,” so Stuft turns to Deities for Dummies instead:
Regardless of your religious sentiments, Psalm 139 is a gorgeous piece of writing. And, in “things you can’t make up,” that passage in 1 John is actually about hypocrisy. It’s just not Pharisee how Sadducee this is.
Look, I could sit here and make church jokes all day.
But let’s face it. You’re here for one thing, and that’s food that looks the same going in and coming out.
First, though, Stuft shills what are basically organic Lunchables, sadly just the ham, cheese and cracker kind. Since crackers have carbs and cows are Satan’s mammal, Stuft pawns these off on the Boy Destructors. They are not even five years old and their mother has squeezed them into the gastronomic quarter where they have to have a favorite protein bar, so even organic Lunchables that have yogurt for dessert instead of Oreos? Four for you, Glen Coco.
She can’t be so lucky with her next sponsored product, which is–I shit you not–maple syrup. Stuft raves about how wonderful it is, like she raves about everything she shills.
So let’s see. She made what HLBs call a “protein pancake”…okay, the overuse of protein that gets converted to glucose anyway is sketchily disordered, but still. That seems like something that you might put maple syrup on!
Oh! Stuft helpfully explains that this is in fact a “muffin,” which explains the lack of syrup. In fact she used it in this dish:
Okay, I see squash, gravel, tire shreds and…melted erasers? but…
“I’ve had my maple syrup fix for today.”
Stuft quickly moved on to shill bottled water, which has a calorie count even she can believe in.
Amazingly, one night she managed to put her meal in what looks like a normal-human sized bowl!
Wow, it’s even an acceptable-looking vegetable dish!
macaroni and cheese
I can even less than Tumblr.
I used nutritional yeast instead of the cheese packet. I added some chilis, some hot sauce, some seasoning, garlic salt, crushed red pepper flakes, and goodness knows what else.
With Stuft’s love of spicy things, I can’t wait to see how she condiments up her breakfast taco!
I’m sorry. Burrito. Raw spinach in burned egg whites pumped from a soap dispenser is a burrito. We have always been at war with Eastasia.
Stuft also whipped up this:
and I have to admit I’m confused. Why would you melt Ex-Lax on top of homemade Nair, when those obviously go on different sides?
By far, though, the winner of the week is th
I mean, the winner is
Keep those images in your minds, hamcats, because the actual winner is:
Thigh gap selfies: 3
Sneaker selfies: 6
Leopard print miniskirts: 1
Products shilled: 15
Shopping carts filled at Costco: 2
Photos of shopping carts at Costco: 2
Number of those products that Stuft eats: 0