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KERF Recaps: Kathy Eats More Salad Than You, You Bottled-Dressing-Eating Loser

As usual for her Monday post, Kathy shares some brand new information that she had “such a lovely …. really, really nice” Thanksgiving — not only for all the reasons she gave thanks for on the previous Friday (chief among them ice cream and Pottery Barn) but also because

This is the only weekend of the year that we all get a few days off in a row just to hang out at home

I guess most of us can identify with that.

(and we aren’t on a vacation somewhere).

Oh, hang the fuck on. This year alone, Kathy spent

• a “party week” vacationing with her family and Bath Matt’s family in Key West in February

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• a four-day family trip in March to Marco Island, Fla., for the fakery convention

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• an anniversary weekend in Alexandria, Va. in June

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• a July weekend in Pennsylvania at a family reunion

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• one week in July on the beach in North Carolina

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• another week in August on Bald Head Island, NC

Why didn't you put this one on the Christmas card, Kathy?

Why didn’t you put this one on the Christmas card, Kathy?

• a four-day vacation to California wine country in September

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• and two-day trips to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, to Miami in May, to Pennsylvania in July, and to Colorado in October, courtesy of the National Dairy Council, Nokia, Hershey, and Celestial Seasonings, respectively.

367461496Yes, I suppose Kathy’s life is clearly lacking in time at home and time with her family, apart from her four family vacations, two couples’ vacations, four all-expenses-paid jaunts, and the 48 other weekends a year she spends with them.

Suddenly, there’s a sandwich that appears out of nowhere in the post!

Kathy informs her readers that it contained leftovers from Thanksgiving and was

pretty epic …. Toasted warm. Yum!!

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Um, okay? Was there a reason she had to get all POV with the sandwich but couldn’t clean up the fakery dust or cranberry clot? There’s no time for answers, as Kathy wants to talk about a cocktail party at BFF Sarah’s house. Kathy knows she’s going out of order, but doesn’t care:

Rewinding back to just before the holiday, we went to a cocktail party at my friend Sarah’s.

With her boundaries as typically lopsided as her full-sized lentil pucks on sliced-in-half fakery rolls, Kathy shares that she and Sarah “wanted our parents to meet,” but doesn’t say why or show any photos of KERF’s parents overjoyed at getting to meet the parents of the girl their daughter wants to be (in addition to gestating an OMGsecond baby, Sarah also knows how to wrangle real live candles AND set a table so that there’s room for food) or BFFSarah’s parents thrilled to meet the parents of the girl who keeps putting their daughter and grandson on her diet blog and talking about her appetite for tacos.

Kathy and Bath Matt “were in charge of bread, alcohol and dessert,” because Sarah is smart and knows that those are the only three things the Younger-Smugsons can get excited for/have in cheap abundance.

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Sarah’s seen what happens when Kathy pretends to feed guests, and it results in the cheese and sausage plate at lower left. And pumpkin beer. And nothing else.

Kathy’s narration then takes us to the Friday before the weekend, which includes the following stupid things:

• A reminder that while you were probably shopping, Kathy was “hitting the Black Friday….gym!”

• Being put out about a sick child who was allowed at the dining room table to take his cup of pink amoxicillin on Friday: “we were also dealing with double ear infections that were thankfully much, much better on Thanksgiving Day.”

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• A gross salad for lunch:

I made a cranberry sauce salad dressing with olive oil, dried rosemary, and Dijon mustard. My salad also had goat cheese and honey toasted peanuts. Plus more cranberry sauce! 

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• A Friday evening outing with the stupidly nicknamed “Uncle Brain” to a free city tree-lighting thing to see “Matt’s BFF Jeff” (the former employee who inexplicably makes them jambalaya).

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She includes a crappy, blurry photo and says,

He’s the trumpet in the middle!

No he’s not, even though I have no doubt that a brass instrument could make better jambalaya than Our Kathy.

This has spinach and Greek yogurt in it. In other words, it's "dip."

This has spinach and Greek yogurt in it. In other words, it’s “dip.”

• “Margs!!” at Kathy’s “new favorite” taco restaurant. The self-proclaimed “foodie” tells us why it’s her favorite, saying the food she ordered was “delicious!!!” and the food she ordered for her kid and ate some of herself was “quite yummy.” She also posts a photo of her toddler chewing tentatively on a chip, and calls him “The chip monster.”

Adding exclamation points and a smile doesn’t change the fact that you’re this guy, Kathy.

• A juice-box-sized Saturday breakfast she actually made for her family and their guest: “cranberry sauce smoothies” that she “loved” and decided produced “one of the best smoothies” she’s ever had, probably because it has actual non-hidden sugar in it.

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• A holiday day with a guest in which she demonstrated how much she enjoyed his company and wanted to treat him to a special vacation by “watching many hours of Survivor!!” on Saturday.

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• Serving her parents leftovers from Thanksgiving. Even in the kibble-sized cubes Kathy’s deigned to put on her plate, the meat appears to have succumbed to something during what I can only speculate was a T.E. Lawrence-style crossing of the Nefud Desert since Thursday’s holiday.

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• Uselessly saying  “Easy does it” about having eaten eggs and toast and a clementine on Sunday.

• A feast-obliterating walk listening to “Serial,”

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“Cool thanks!!” The new “No awesome”?

followed by “a family hike” where she goes all Joan Crawford-racing-her-daughter-in-the-pool on Toddler Carbz, saying he couldn’t make it through the whole 2-mile trail and “got quite tired after a while : )” but walked “a good bit,” because it’s not like a trail has ever winded Kathy before.

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Never attempt a strenuous hike without pearl earrings.

• A salad Bath Matt made out of goat cheese, honey peanuts, fakery croutons, and “leftover meat.”

• These two sentences:

We skipped nap in the afternoon and headed to Pippin Hill for a wine tasting and playing outside. Loooooved Jacob Allen’s old school country tunes!!

The discomfort gene: passed on from both sides of the family.

The discomfort gene: passed on from both sides of the family.

At least one commenter thinks the winery was a stupid thing too:

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Tuesday’s post is supposedly about how Kathy really thinks that an “ideal” salad is all about balancing “nutrition and flavor.”

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A whole grain. Like, one oat, or a lentil?

Whatever. It’s not. It’s a typical post in which going on about “nutrition,” “macronutrients,” “healthy fats,” “long-lasting complex carbohydrates,” and how she “go[es] super healthy with local greens” is used only as a carrier for sugar, resulting in candied almonds and salad dressing that she says tastes like a Creamsicle ice cream bar:

If Kathy were more transparent, she would be a Japanese skeleton flower in the rain.

In any case, sugar livens up her writing, and she giddily calls her resulting double-sugar-topped salad

this one smashing Hugh Jass salad!

Do tell us how you did it:

Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.25.55 PMThough it lacks the “bonus points” of the first recipe, it’s her recipe for candied almonds that’s truly innovative, in that she introduces the one sixteenth of a teaspoon measurement — you know, for when you feel like you have to include some sort of herb or spice, but you really, really don’t want to.

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As for the method, which is so important it’s included in the title, she says you don’t have to make candied almonds in the microwave, but that it’s helpful to do so when you’re “impatient.”

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Kathy shares a caveat on her two ways to make salad more sugary:

I don’t believe you have to have a diet completely void of sugar to be healthy – I just think it needs to be in small doses or on special occasions.

You know, special occasions like when you’re “impatient” for candied almonds.

In the comments, Kathy leaps at the chance to be a salad snob of 30 years ago:

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The result is that she has nothing to say to people like Jeanie:

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Sorry, Jeanie. Next time, maybe comment about “Survivor,” so you can have a conversation as well as learn about “eBay and things.”

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On Wednesday, Kathy got a day off, as her “Guest RD” series continued with an entry about getting enough protein by someone who’s not a blogger, Bryana Piazza.

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Kathy introduces Piazza by saying she

loves Bryana’s devotion to plants …. [and] drooling over her stuffed mushroom recipe below!

Her devotion isn’t just to plants — Piazza actually pops up in the comments section and addresses a ton of reader questions about her guest topic, giving thorough, cheerful, non-defensive answers about protein requirements for people who are trying to lose weight, making sure one eats “complete proteins,” and what happens if you really do eat too much. Piazza’s responses are also properly punctuated, unlike this rare Kathy sighting in the post comments:

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Yes, the conservative Newsmax that sells the anti-vaccination, soy-products-may-lead-to-breast-cancer “Blaylock Wellness Report.” (The American Institute for Cancer Research says that’s bogus.)

Piazza greets Kathy’s readership and explains that, while she’s been a vegetarian since 1994 and is now a vegan,

I want to start off by saying that this post is not intended to shame people into adopting a vegan lifestyle, as I believe that everyone is entitled to their own dietary preferences and personal beliefs.

Oh, good. Because your validation matters enough to fill all the If You Care-brand baking cups in the world, Piazza. I totally paused at the possibility that you might not believe in my right to freebase this Slim Jim Zesty Garlic Monster Stick.

 

In fact, she says, she calls her diet “plant-based” instead of “vegan,” to be an equal-opportunity shamer of both people who eat meat and the similarly disgustos who

….barely eat any plants at all. Their meals include processed and pre-packaged foods such as mock chicken, with long ingredient lists and little nutritional value. I prefer to fill my plate with fresh fruits and vegetables, nut and seeds, whole grains, and legumes.

Piazza says she tells her clients not to follow a vegan diet like her, but to “make the star of the meal the plants, not the meat.” (In this, she’s sort of like Kathy, if Kathy had clients and she nudged them towards her own way of eating by encouraging them to make sugar — preferably harvested from local wedding cake — the star of their diet.) But Piazza says the main thing people worry about is getting enough protein, which is ridiculous because firstly, she eats plenty of tofu, nuts, seeds, and lentils, and secondly, because the RDA for protein is .8 grams per kilogram of body weight —

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— and thanks to this awesome graphic from PopularVegan.com, it’s obviously “relatively easy to meet your protein needs by eating plants!”

Wikipedia says anything can be a complete protein. Bring me my chips.

Wikipedia says anything can be a complete protein. Bring me my chips.

Piazza ends with a recipe that sounds and looks pretty good:

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It’s portobello mushrooms stuffed with just-wilted spinach and artichoke hearts, topped with a dressing that includes yellow miso and apple cider vinegar. Unfortunately, it involves dirtying a skillet, a baking dish, and a food processor (two too many implements for impatient-for-candied-almonds Kathy), includes garlic (albeit the powdered kind) and features “a Creamy Hemp Dressing,” involving actual raw hemp seeds. Kathy can “drool” all she wants — apart from her dalliance with vanilla hemp milk and sponsor-provided hemp-containing granola when she lived in Charlotte years ago, we’re never going to see Kathy get on that superfood train any day soon, no matter how many tablespoons of maple syrup you entice her with.

Also, I doubt eating hemp would make her very popular with her new sponsors over at Newsmax, whose articles about acid reflux are basically softballs for commenters to talk about how President Obama makes them puke, and whose online store sells this sort of stuff:

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Moving on, Thursday’s post is another freaking post about how to make salad dressing, and it’s almost the same exact lackluster-results recipe Kathy posted on Tuesday.

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I guess it’s a new opportunity for her to talk about how much she doesn’t like using more than one dish —

• “….when I come home starving from the gym at lunchtime I try to get my salad on the table as fast as possible. This ritual has almost become a game to me to see how fast I can assemble lunch while dirtying the least number of dishes.”

• “I put my ingredients in the bottom, whisk with my fork, add the greens on top and toss as best I can without too many leaves jumping ship. It works quite well, and it has increased my salad enjoyment one serving at a time – no extra bowls or jars required!”

• “Call me lazy, but I like to think I’m efficient Smile

— or garlic.

• “I don’t know if they use too much onion or garlic or if it’s the preservatives that taste off to me, but many bottled dressings literally leave a bad taste in my mouth long after the salad is gone.”

• “I’ll also add that I often use garlic powder instead of raw garlic because I don’t like any meal that sticks with me all afternoon. However, I totally agree that raw garlic gives a salad dressing an extra layer of delicious! I save it for fancy dinner parties.”

Demonstrating a similar level of time commitment to both her graphics and her attempts at humor, Kathy inserts what she calls this “oh-so-beautifully-designed (=sarcasm)”

three-font graphic “formula” for creating a salad dressing.

Screen Shot 2014-12-08 at 12.00.04 AMI refuse to believe that anyone out there, first of all, needed Kathy to tell them how to make a salad dressing, and, secondly, is further enlightened by Kathy’s further instruction on the topic:

• The “magic ratio of oil to vinegar is 3:1.”

• “oil is what brings the luxurious richness to your salad”

• To prevent “a soggy salad,” one should “use 1 tablespoon of dressing for 1.5 cups of greens.”

Having said that, Kathy’s readers encompass a group that includes someone who has so many salad dressings they go bad, someone who thinks the mere use of bottled dressing is “sad,” and someone else who thinks there’s a chance Kathy would ever try even a relatively sweet hot sauce like sriracha in her salads.

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Kathy’s said even the Huy Fong sriracha, which has sugar as its second ingredient, is “super spicy and garlicky. Not the best for breath, but it sure adds a kick.”

Kathy ends with her second salad dressing invention of the week, one that sounds lovingly created, one totally worthy of sharing and enriching the lives of the readers she cares so much about, one she

threw together recently to stretch for a few days in a jar

Screen Shot 2014-12-08 at 12.00.21 AMKathy ends with an appropriate sign-off for a post about thickened liquid:

Happy Crunching!

Friday’s post is the predictable list of what Kathy calls “cut back” foods, which Kathy says was super awesome because she asked herself if healthy foods were what she wanted — and the answer was yes.

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Yikes.

Poor Grandma Buzz doesn’t even get a response back from her daughter, who is busy mangling her intros and thus, asking herself how she ate.

Was this week a little lighter after the big Thanksgiving festivities? Mine was! Squiggly line, all in …. Cravings for pie are low and cravings for kale are high. I love it when my body wants to be totally healthy!

Of course, she follows that with a photo of a breakfast she couldn’t even wait to photograph before tearing into its sweet parts like the titular chomping fish in “Piranha 3D.”

Kathy writes,

What happened to the inside of this toast, we will never know. Unless you were a fly on the wall in my kitchen and saw me eat the gooey inside before it even went in the toaster!

Screen Shot 2014-12-08 at 1.36.45 AMOh, but that’s just a tiny taste of Kath Tries to Be Kute this week. We also have her attempting sincere children’s programming narration:

Breakfast of eggs, toast and fruit is my very favorite for feeling my best these days.

Then, there’s her trying to write copy for oatmeal commercials:

Of course oatmeal is …. delicious in totally different ways. Stick to your gut and warming you up ways!

Wait, what?

 

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No way did Bath Matt’s mom ever mix up the common expression “stick to your ribs,” which almost 1.8 million search results agree refers to a filling meal, with either the condition of sticking with one’s gut or sticking to one’s guns. The pigheaded manner in which Bath Matt insists “sticks to your gut” is a thing, however, is a fitting example of the latter expressions.

Kathy then runs out of current photos and decides to talk about how she made several meals from her leftover pancake and leftover pancake sandwich from Brookville:

leftover Big Fat Pancake from Brookville for days. Served with a green smoothie for a balancing effect ; )

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This leads to a rarely seen Kathy segment I like to call Pre-Google Stoner Thoughts:

I think more pancake sandwiches need to be invented. The key is to get your pancakes firm enough that they don’t crumble apart in hand. I’m not quite sure how to do that!

Screen Shot 2014-12-08 at 1.46.17 AMYeah, Kathy. It’s a shame no one’s figured that out, apart from The Food Network, Betty Crocker, Serious EatsFood RepublicNom Nom Paleo, a site that doesn’t even DO regular pancakes, Jimmy Dean, and McDonald’s for the last 11 years.

Aside from dinner leftovers, Kathy had lunch with “friends” at a restaurant:

Tamale day! I have been wanting to try these for a while, and sadly it left me a bit underwhelmed.

as well as ate a thing of $4 chili from a food truck and a “side salad,” and put croutons on that loathsome “curdled-but-still-tasted-good broccoli soup” to choke it down.

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Kathy shares photos of three dinners at home — a “delicious winner” of a kale salad she got from The Daily Garnish, squash with tomato sauce

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Watch out, world. There’s a recipe coming.

and chicken, bell pepper, cheese, and yogurt “tacos” that were “Pretty delish!”

I sure love my tacos with a side of pumpkin souffle candle smell.

I sure love my tacos with a side of pumpkin souffle candle smell.

She also had a “big night out!” by seeing a Rolling Stones cover band and having chips, “margs,” tacos and chorizo

at the taco place that just opened that Kathy keeps calling “Yearbook Taco” even though its actual (and even more irritating) name is “Yearbook Taco Bar.”

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Kathy ends the week with a reminder that, not only has she been good, you’re probably not doing nearly as well, and she’ll just be bouncing out the door thinking about that:

Hope you guys are settling into the holiday season well. I’m off to the gym!

 

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STUFT Mama: You don’t know STUFT.

Hamcats, I’m a little worried that some of you seem to have some next-level superpowers. You ask for a better introduction to Stuft and her blog, and the lady who can’t remember how far she ran yesterday drops in with:

Someone asked me recently how I got into blogging

What telepathy! What fortune! What a perfect excuse for me to be lazy!

and I don’t even really know.

But as they say, where a door closes, a browser window opens.

Once upon a timing chip (links are via Google Cache), Stuft was a PE teacher and part-time fitness instructor. Depending on whether you read the 2011 or the 2013 version of the story, she either (a) had a sad but sadly normal unhappy relationship with food and weight, or (b) ate SO MUCH and SO OUT OF CONTROL that it was totally bulimia and compulsive overeating disorder, you guys. (Before you yell at me for being insensitive–go ask an anorexic what constitutes a “binge.” I’ll wait here for the bulimia survivors to stop laughing hysterically.) By her own account, her miracle pregnancy changed everything:

My mindset changed…I was focused on eating for health rather than eating to lose weight. I exercised to FEEL GOOD rather than to burn off all the “junk food” I had eaten previously or because I “had” to.

That’s so awesome! Especially with all the social pressue on women to be fit throughout pregnancy and get back to “pre-baby” weight immediately afterw–

I continued teaching [fitness] classes until I was about 7 months pregnant

Um.

Throughout my entire pregnancy I was living my dream. I wanted to be that pregnant lady that kept running.

Dream big, tiger.

When my doctor pulled the plug on my running, I still kept active using the elliptical

Stuft quickly and unsurprisingly discovered that it was impossible to balance newborn twins, a full-time job, and teaching fitness classes and hobby running. Southern California has a high cost of living and the number of Stufts had recently doubled, so her decision was clear–

So here I am, living my dream with my own business, teaching fitness classes.

The Internet debut of Stuft Mama, small business owner, came in mid-2010 as she announced her weekly boot camp and strollercize classes on her “STUFT Fitness” blog. And honestly? The site is peppy and kind of cute–by all accounts of undercover 00hamcats, Stuft is a good fitness instructor, as long as she can focus on teaching the class instead of burning her own calories. So what made her, in April 2011, “really passionate” about giving up her entrepreneurial dream to write a blog starring her disorder herself? Well, two things:

1. She ran her first marathon in January 2011 and got addicted (I do not use that word lightly) to racing.

2.

I’ve managed to gain some weight the past couple of months (stopping breast-feeding, finishing marathon training, etc.). I weigh more now that I did 2 weeks after giving birth to my twins (I was back at my pre-pregnancy weight.) I have a goal weight I’m working towards.

I’m sorry, “healthy living” blog?

Introducing herself on her new blog, Stuft prophetically noted:

It’s weird not having an upcoming race in the next month or so. I’m already feeling a little restless

and

I’m going to attempt to sleep in tomorrow. I tried this morning, but was up on the treadmill at 6 am

And, in “things you can’t make up,” her first real entry recaps a half marathon where she went out too fast, hit the wall at mile 9, and bonked.

Stuft, I think, wants her story to be how becoming a mama rescued her from a lifetime of disordered eating. That is not the story she tells–and more importantly, that is not the story her sons are going to discover when they read her blog in 6-7 years.

Back in the present! Despite her apparent inability to read her own blog archives to answer a reader’s question, Stuft has been feeling surprisingly introspective recently.

STUFT Daddy and did [sic] some seriously life decision talking

Fortunately, one of the great things about personal blogging is the chance to gain valuable perspective and advice from people who want to see you succeed, so–share with us, Stuft!

But don’t you remember how you started your blog, promising “to share the good and the bad?”

It can’t be that hard to share.

all this life business stuff I have going on in my head.

Remember how you wanted to “document my journey”?

I have been so busy with life stuff and other things

How “I promised myself that I would share everything on this blog”?

the whole life getting busy and hectic and needing more attention thing

especially with all the other life happenings that have been going on.

Every now and then, though, even Stuft is capable of introspection.

I always think about goals and say I should do some or really work towards them or not stay up late to get things done, etc. But it’s FINALLY time to do it already.

Yes! Congratulations! So tell us, Stuft! What are your goals? How are you “doing it already”?

I got this new Believe Journal

Oh.

I bit the bullet and ordered one of the famous Erin Condren life planners.

You go, girl.

I’m actually really wanting the teacher planner now

In fact, the Stufts really are facing some upcoming changes. The Wonder Brothers start kindergarten next year (they are currently in twice-a-week part-time preschool), so I guess it’s time for Stuft to start thinking about whether she’ll go back to work?

I want to be ready to really train the right way for some big races coming up in 2015.

Yes, I’m sure your husband who works multiple jobs that still don’t suffice to air condition your house in a SoCal summer would be very appreciative if you actually trained for the marathons that you fly across the country to run.

Stuft did say something genuinely promising, though:

I did get motivated last night to look at what kind of training plan I’m going to use leading up to the Boston 2 Big Sur Challenge [running the Boston Marathon and then six days later running the Big Sur/Pacific Coast Highway Marathon].

For those of us who see in Stuft a runner with a decent amount of natural talent and a fucking superheroic ability to avoid the injuries you can’t run through (a.k.a. how the sweet baby Beavis has she never had a stress fracture?), this is exciting news! It is very clear–finally to Stuft as well–that burning ALL THE CALORIES running ALL THE MILES and teaching ALL THE CLASSES with no recovery days does not make her faster.

Runners who *do* want to get faster generally follow a training plan that leads up to a goal race. Marathoners especially can choose from a number of battle-tested plans freely available on the Internet. Many of these are actually great options for Stuft!

1. FIRST/Run Less, Run Faster emphasizes cross-training and training efficiency, which is perfect for Stuft as a fitness instructor and busy mom.
2. The Hanson Marathon Method is a high-mileage plan dedicated entirely to running, Stuft’s passion. Additionally, its longest run is shorter than that of basically every other plan, which is again useful for a busy mom.
3. Runner’s World offers plans based on goal time–and they are one of Stuft’s most prized sponsorships.
4. Pfitzinger’s 18/55 or 18/70 plans emphasize running, are high mileage, and come from the bible of running, Advanced Marathoning.

With all these–and many more!–great, free options, whatever will Stuft choose?

I’m planning on following [the plan] from my favorite book by far, Running a Marathon For Dummies.

In fact, Stuft is apparently working with the book’s author as a coach “because of his doctor background.” This is actually a great strategy for her. Last fall she started out following a training plan and quickly discarded it in favor of her eating disorder running a lot, so having someone to answer to might really help. He’s holding up his end of the bargain, at least:

I already asked him if I could add some easy miles in. Obviously he sad “NO”. He also asked me not to be impossible to coach.

We all want things we can’t have.

We’re concentrating on giving my body recovery from all the marathons from the year and including some more quality aerobic workouts. I’m following the plan exactly and we’ll see where it goes.

Terrific! Stuft sounds nervous but enthusiastic about sticking to shorter mileage than she’s used to. She starts off bright and strong with a “seven-mile run with strides at the end” on Monday:

And a “six-mile run involving speedwork” on Tuesday:

Well…okay, she’s adding a little, but normally at least one of those runs would be 10+ miles. So good on you, Stuft! I’m sure that with the focus on recovery and doing only quality workouts, she’s taking advantage of the time she would normally spend teaching classes to squeeze in some extra special #mamatimeisthebesttime.

I have a training tomorrow to become a certified KettleWorX instructor. I better get some practicing in.

Oh. Well, I mean, that’s a one time thing, right?

Let’s talk about this cool Fitbit Blogger Challenge that’s going on. The pressure is on to keep moving throughout the day. It’s automatically set to have a daily goal of 10,000 steps.

Great! Stuft’s morning runs on the treadmill more than make up those 10,000 steps. She can contribute to the challenge and still stick to her pl–

I kind of wish my treadmill steps counted, but that’s okay.

Oh, really? Because, don’t you know, they counted back in October:

and back in August:

and back in July:

Stuft, who trash talks her four-and-a-half-year-old sons on the Internet when she can’t get 10,000 steps before breakfast, tries very hard to convince her readers that wearing the Fitbit has inspired her to take 10,000 steps over the course of a whole day. She also hits us with about sixty-eight graphs of her sleeping patterns, proving once again that if you have enough free time to obsess over the amount you’re not sleeping, you have enough free time to change that.

I’m much more optimistic about her other big shill, however! She is, too:

I’m all about anything that will help my hair get stronger and thicker.

Awesome! So she’s eating enough food and ditching the Legally Zebra look?

I’ve been taking these Hairfinity vitamins for the past couple of months.

Or, you know, she could pop some pills. Stuft raves about the results:

My hair is definitely softer and smoother. It also seems thicker. It definitely feels healthier and when I just got it highlighted the other week, it didn’t dry out nearly as much as it used to. I’ve also noticed that not as much hair falls out in the shower when I’m washing it.

Wow! That’s some testimonial! I can’t wait to see it in action. Here’s the “before” picture:

And the “after”!

You must have misheard me when I asked for the After picture?

I don’t know about you, hamcats, but when I spend excessive amounts of money on vitamins I should be getting in my normal diet, I too aspire to look like the Billy Goats Gruff Gourmet.

It does sound like the 90-day promo sample is ending, so here’s to hoping that Stuft will make up for it with a varied and nutritious diet!

Alternately: with a Quest bar.

And another Quest bar.

And a Quest bar helpfully revealing how few organic gluten-free high-protein Orthorexi-O’s she’s eating.

Hats off to Quest for pretty much singlehandedly keeping Stuft alive.

Oh look, another Quest bar.

The brown stuff on top must be what happens when you eat all those Quest bars.

On the plus side, for breakfast one day, Stuft ate an apple, a muffin, and a spinach omelette. Which actually sounds pretty promising!

Except that…is what it looks like when you rip off the Band-Aid two days early. And realize you forgot Neosporin.

It was delicious. Mmm hmmm….

In closing, it’s Thanksgiving, so Stuft notes that her sons are thankful for her blog readers. She also writes:

Thanksgiving and the next couple of days are all about family time.

And seriously? Good for you, Stuft. If you stick with that training plan, and use it as a guideline to balance your family life with becoming a faster runner, you will have a big group of fans here at GOMI/smugnom cheering for you.

Pretty awesome Thanksgiving morning. Taught a special spin class and then went for a toasty 8 mile run.

…gonna psych you out in the end.

Stuft stats!

Goal of training plan, week one: Rest and recovery
Miles on training plan, week one: 44
Miles admitted to have run as of Friday: 40
Extra classes added this week: 2

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