foodsmug, recaps

Kath Eats Real Food: Recaps, Day 96

Kathy, doesn’t work, has no difficulty in staying at home and doing fuck-all during her recent three-day period of having a cold and not sleeping well, had her husband stay home from the franchise fakery Wednesday morning to watch the kid so that she could cancel her run. Yes, in her world, these things lead one to the next to the next. No, I don’t understand it. Yes, Smugnom is now paying for the boxed wine that makes these recaps possible: I fear we may have an Oatism Spectrum Disorder and I so want to understand, Hamladies. I want to understand why Kath Eats Real Food is a “thing,” and why there are enough people who read it (apart from general what-the-fuckery interest) to pay the bills at the Younger-Smugsons. And I want to know why the hell she would post a video of her child nomming his poor little fist because he wants a tit, and using said video to promote her insatiable lust for scuffins, which are themselves as much of an abomination as not feeding a child for the sake of a pastry-promotion video.*

Well, here’s why. Because Kathy knows better. She knows what ails you (lack of superfoods!!!) and what will cure you:

I believe rest is always more important than exercise if you need it

So since Bath Matt stayed home, he made them both Kathy’s banana, nut butter, oat, granola concoction. Except his looked like the bowl of melted brown ice cream it is nutritionally equivalent to:

Apparently, the real purpose of him being home was so he could escort his family to the doctor’s office so Baby Carbz could get the shots babies get at 2 months old. Of course, Kathy’s concern is for her (“12 pounds, 3 ounces!!! 56th percentile”) child first. No, wait, it’s for herself.

Mom was definitely most traumatized, but baby didn’t like it much either. He cried hard for two solid minutes and then went back to nursing.

The doctor also relieved her biggest medical worry of recent years — whether she could use the jogging stroller. Thank goodness our long national teeth-gnashing nightmare is over and we have an answer.

The BOB manual says you can start walking at 8 weeks, and since we’re almost at 9 weeks with great head control, we’re going to try it out tomorrow. [Walking only on smooth surfaces for now.] We did a practice few minutes tonight and he seemed to really like being wheeled around the basement : )


Kathy was “starved” by the time the family was done with their parent-teacher visit with the Principal of Great Head Controlaversary and “errands,” and she ate a “salad with leftover salmon, avocado, cheddar cheese and olive oil” and what I call the Daycare Afternoon Snack Special — sliced pear and a piece of fakery bread that must have been like three weeks old because she toasted it, and girlfriend don’t toast her bread.

She then canceled the second workout she planned that day so she could “rest” and “snuggle,” because apparently she is a stunt coordinator and that is how much she needs to work out every day:

He was obviously not happy after his shots (I think his leg was throbbing). We took a snooze together and played on the bed for a long time.

Something tells me that “played” is about the equivalent of when she would poke her stomach and wait for him to kick back, or how she now takes videos of him sucking on his fist, but maybe she hasn’t learned the expression “fucking with someone” yet. Because that’s what she’s doing.

He was obviously not happy after his shots (I think his leg was throbbing). We took a snooze together and played on the bed for a long time.

Now, maybe I’m clueless, but in most of these cases of parenting, Mom isn’t supposed to be bothering the kid because SHE wants to play all the damn time, right?

For dinner, Mona Lisa Pasta gave away a pound of “extra thick and chewy” raw pasta to everyone with an “I Voted” sticker, which Kathy calls “a blip in the meal plan,” because she has apparently forgotten everything in her brief PR career that should have instructed her to, even on auto-pilot, say something like “it was a great opportunity to go to a beloved local gem that we’ve waited far too long to experience.” They bought meat sauce… but that wasn’t good enough, and the pasta was served on top of “spinach and white beans stirred in for more nutrition and bulk.”



* And look, not that anyone gives a shit, but I do not encourage, condone or pretend to be amused by anyone who voices their discontent on her videos, insurance nonsense, fakery Facebook page or blogs when they’ve been brought there by GOMI or Smugnom. The savviest citizens of Cville know what’s up and how to voice their own independent disdain — and so does Waldo.

170 Noms on Kath Eats Real Food: Recaps, Day 96

  1. avatar KERFETUS says:

    I still can’t believe they haven’t removed the video. Of all the shit she’s tried to scrub from the internets over the years, you’d think she might someday learn what might be worth deleting. But no. And so, here we all are, watching. We soldier on.


    • avatar myfakie says:

      Not only haven’t they removed the video, but it is now highlighted on the page so it takes up two column spaces.

      • avatar Smug smugger smuggest says:

        Now she’s added “And he does it all day long since finding his fists” to the caption, as if that makes it better! Way to admit that your baby is begging to be fed ALL DAY. My two month old puts her hands in her mouth too, but it looks nothing like that unless she is actually hungry. Maybe if she put down the camera and paid more attention to her baby than her damn oatmeal she would know the difference.

        • avatar Kathater says:

          Yeah, that new caption totally justifies keeping the video up on your business website, Kathy. Fucking moron.

          • avatar Yana says:

            I wish that just once she would just give him a nice big bottle of formula to see what happens. He won’t die from one bottle, and the experiment might prove eye-opening for her. My guess is that he would sleep better and root less, and that she might find that supplementing breast with formula (even just 25/75) would really help make life easier and smoother for all of them. KATH, if you’re reading here, just give it a try? Really, it won’t ruin anything.

          • avatar SmuggyMcSmuggerson says:

            Yeah, mind your I did give my kitten a bottle of formula last month to see how it would go and he didn’t….

            actually, I’m going to stop is comment. My filter is telling me that it isn’t appropriate. See how it’s done Kath??

          • avatar I root because I'm hungry says:

            You know, as long as she feeds him and he’s gaining, shes fine. I think the video is in poor taste. Don’t record a hungry baby like that.

            But to suggest she use formula just because? I mean, nothing is wrong. I never used it with my first, and haven’t needed it yet this time either. I’m much more chill about it this time, as I’m older, wiser, and have many friends who have supplemented. If I need to, no biggie.

            But I’ve got no supply issues and a boat load in the freezer.

          • avatar anonthought says:

            I don’t see why she needs to try formula? He seemed hungry in the video sure but I don’t think that means he needs a big old bottle of formula. I’m not against formula by any means but breastfeeding seems to be going well for her and I don’t see why she needs to give him a bottle of formula just as a test. I’m not sure what the test would be?

    • avatar notablogger says:

      they did delete all of yesterday’s, “your baby is hungry,” comments. There was some other that said they were just a few hours old. I would love to know whether or not those are GOMIers commenting.

      • avatar notablogger says:

        embarassing mistake: there WERE some others

        • avatar scuffin says:

          It AMAZES me that they have not one ounce of self-awareness. Nobody is attacking Katth, or Matth. They are saying the damn baby looks STARVING.

          What I found especially unnerving is how they are LAUGHING. They are laughing at the baby who is clearly so, so hungry.

          • avatar PawsitiveCattitude says:

            Yes, this. While the whole video is disturbing, the laughing really puts it over the top. So, so sad for that poor little guy. WTH is wrong with those people?

    • avatar Colorblocked Moonshiner says:

      great harvest charlottesville must not be doing so hot, so they have to rely on the KERF blog and all its granola scams and such to boost sales. a video of their snotty, hungry baby nomming on his own freaking hand is neither endearing nor relevant, but this bint has her “brand” so wrapped up with their real business that she doesn’t know how to separate the two. and she actually thinks this is her valid “contribution” to working at GH (PR expertise, y’all!!) .

    • avatar Lolo says:

      That video is horrific. But it got me thinking, because I have a kitten who is just a few days older than Mazen. My son is already starting to smile and be pretty jolly at certain points of the day. Wouldn’t THAT be when you’d choose to film them? The fact that Kath has yet to post one of these “happy” videos tells me that life must be pretty dismal at the Kerffulton’s household. Probably due to starvation. If this is the best video she’s got, that’s not saying much.

    • avatar LemonHeadPez says:

      That reminds me of the grumpy troll on Dora.

    • avatar Milk steak says:

      Such a ballerina!

  2. avatar elleire says:

    What does a rooting baby, on a pediatrician’s exam table, have to do with their “whole grain OMGLOCAL” fakery? Kath and Matth should really step back from the internet and take a good, hard look at how their share their lives. KERF and BERF are “personal” yet “duel” “local” small businesses. The two of them can photograph and post half-assed oatmeal, piles of ill-concieved salad “fixin’s,” and ungrateful reviews of free food all they want.
    But their brick and mortar business is going to suffer with all of this lame drama and documented foolishness. She can’t post personal stuff on her business sites (GH website, FB page, etc) without inviting comments and questions, positive and negative. What is she going to do when a local customer calls her out, online or in person? Ban them from GH? Be passive aggressive, thank them for their feedback, then trash said person on BERF, KERF, or Twitter? And what happens when customers find KERF and realize they are supporting her special, loganic brand of crazy? Just a few days ago, in the comments section she basically admitted her priorities have little to do with the baby, she only cares what “half the internet” thinks:
    KERF November 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm
    I’m just trying to be cautious because, you know, if I said I was running against the BOB manual’s recommendations half the internet would be on my case. I’m going to see if a friend has the adapter that I can borrow for a few months. It would be really nice to get out there and run with him!

  3. avatar seamane-ah seamine-ah says:

    all I know is, they must have one hell of a nut butter bunker…
    I would love to see how many jars of that sh*t they have stored in their pantry because it would take me a month to go through what she puts on her horse cereal in one morning.


    • avatar Kerfplunk says:

      I’m convinced that nut butter is the only thing stored in her pantry…well, that and two day old assorted loaves of bread, that quite handily, can be repurposed as doorstops.

      I really want to know what she has against nuts in the natural form…what’s with all the processed slop she heaps onto her food?! Why not buy some whole nuts and throw a handful of those on instead?

  4. avatar myfakie says:

    Well, I left a comment on that baby video on their GH page. So what? As expected, it was deleted within minutes. No harm done.

    • avatar BeanyMalone says:

      I missed it, but I take it that they used an opportunity when Mazen was very obviously hungry to film an ad for their bakery? They really have the maturity level of a pair of early-adolescents.

        • avatar BeanyMalone says:

          Thanks! It is a disturbing video. I’m sure she’d try to justify it by saying she was planning to nurse him just as soon as they were done with the doctor, but doesn’t she realize that an infant has no concept of “later” or “soon”? And then they say, “we call this eating a scuffin” like they see this behavior all the time and it amuses them. And then, on top of all that, she can review that video, not feel ashamed of herself (we’ve all made parenting mistakes, after all) and POST IT ON THE INTERNET!

          • avatar KERFpolice says:

            It made me so sad. They think they are being cutesy folksy and they are missing the big picture. You have a live human communicating with you, not a teddy bear.

        • avatar Marshall Law f.k.a. Erin says:

          What. The. Fuck. I can’t with this bitch.

    • avatar PawsitiveCattitude says:

      Yep, the comments have been disappearing almost as fast as they’re posted. As of last check there were only two comments deemed positive enough to remain. Doesn’t that tell them anything? Oh wait, forgot who I was talking about, so of course it doesn’t.

    • avatar myfakie says:

      My initial comment was actually referring to the last paragraph of Conch’s post – that leaving comments on KERF’S blogs etc is not condoned.

  5. avatar Snarkkitty says:

    That poor baby. I felt sick to my stomach watching that video. He is VERY obviously hungry and those idiots are LAUGHING. What the actual fuck?

    • avatar Onionbreath says:

      I showed it to my husband to get a unbias opinion and he immediately said “that baby is starving!”.

    • avatar Ecrivaine says:

      No wonder he’s in the 56th percentile. He’s being starved to death, along with his father.

      • avatar bucky says:

        Small WK here. My daughter has always been in the 25th percentile, even as an infant. She was perfectly fed and thrives to this day. The only time to worry about percentiles is when a baby or child has fallen off the bottom of the chart or soared past the top of it.

        • avatar SmuggyMcSmuggerson says:

          My babies tend to start in the 10th percentile and then end up in the 80th. It’s not just myself that I can make chubby!

      • avatar Shazaam says:

        56th percentile is average and totally fine. A baby isn’t even considered failure to thrive until they dip below the 10th percentile. Some babies are average, some are smaller, some are bigger but 56th is totally normal and okay and not even in the realm of starvation.

  6. avatar Angie says:

    I can’t believe she’s using the stroller without the carseat adapter! That is insane. I don’t care how much “head control” she thinks her baby has. I would error on the side of caution. I have the same stroller and the adaptor is $50 on amazon. It’s worth it for peace of mind. I would feel awful if I did something to cause harm to my baby. I hate criticize someone’s parenting but that’s ridiculous. No 8-9 week old has that much head control to be in a jogging stroller like that. That is the ultimate cheap m

    • avatar Angie says:

      Move. She is going to get a lot of flack for this.

      • avatar koshka says:

        Yep, this. I put my kitten in our regular stroller at 4.5 months with out the infant seat and was like nope, not ready yet. I can’t imagine bumping along my 9 week old just because I wanted to. I hope she gets tons of shit for it.

        • avatar ErsieDotes says:

          You guys do realize that infant seat adaptors for strollers are a fairly recent phenomenon right? In the olden days–like the nineties–you had to take your infant out of the car seat and put him or her into the stroller every time you got out of the car away from home. I don’t believe for one second that even a newborn being walked in a stroller without a car seat adaptor is in any kind of danger.

          • avatar koshka says:

            I understand that but they do make them now so I don’t understand why someone would risk it like this.

          • avatar Pee-Pie says:

            I think the issue is with big jogging strollers like that, there’s basically NO padding. Plus the seat on that stroller (vs. a normal non-jogger) is huge and I know on mine, the way it’s attached to the frame, it basically like hangs there (sort of like a hammock seat). So it’s just not supportive or cozy enough for such a small baby. I have no issues with putting a newborn into a regular stroller, but a jogger is different in my opinion.

            She either needs to use some sort of blanket or support pillow or use an adapter with that stroller and a 9 week old baby IMO.

          • avatar koshka says:

            I also think that the odds that they actually ONLY use it for walking until the baby is closer to the recommended age are very, very slim.

          • avatar ErsieDotes says:

            Kath definitely bugs but there are times that I read an argument against her here and find myself shaking my head. This is one of those times. Really? We’re going to wonder if people are unfit parents for pushing babies in strollers now?

            I have no experience with jogging strollers so maybe they are not safe for walking babies as far as I know. I do, however, have plenty of experience walking babies in regular strollers with and without carseat adaptors. I have never seen anything alarming regarding jiggling or bouncing baby heads either way. I’m seriously surprised this is something anyone considers a safety issue.

            As a matter of fact, the other day someone here mentioned how unsafe it is to keep infants in car seats for extended periods of time. It got me wondering so I looked it up just now. I found that a fair argument could be made that stroller carseat adaptors can be unsafe if they encourage parents to keep their infants in a semi-upright position for long periods of time because their airways can be affected. It can also cause flat spots on their heads and spinal issues.

            This article––from CNN quotes a Mayo Clinic source as saying that keeping infants in carseats and swings of an extended period of time is one of the “stupid things parents do to put their children at risk.”

            Having experience before, during and after the car seat adaptor thing came about I can say without a doubt that they did not in any way come into being as a safety enhancement; they were a convenience. The same is true for car seats that double as baby carriers. No longer would you have to drag your baby–especially a sleeping baby–out of a car seat. Instead you could just pop the whole thing out of the car.

            Of all the stupid things Kath says and does this is probably pretty low on the list. If anything having her baby sleep all night in that dumb rocker, having at least three different devices that keep him semi-upright and actually working to try and get him to sleep in the swing are worse.

          • avatar Berfbarf says:

            I never used a car-seat adapter for my two, either. BUT, I only used the stroller in the early days (say until about four months) in a mall. I definitely wasn’t traveling over sidewalks and streets, and I was using a regular stroller that was padded to the max. Those jogging strollers are not padded at all, so rolling it over a sidewalk or pavement is not a good idea until that poor baby has better control of his head. Period.

          • avatar koshka says:

            Look, I get it. Kath is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t with some things.

            However, jogging strollers over bumpy roads are not meant for young babies in my opinion, having both a young baby and a jogging stroller. It’s really, really bumpy and there is a reason that they don’t recommend use until babies are several months old. I think that it shows her ridiculous selfishness to use her extra stroller meant to be for her exercise before the baby is ready for it.

            We can agree to disagree but I’m entitled to my snarky opinion on it.l

    • avatar Pee-Pie says:

      I can’t believe she will put him directly into the stroller either – I posted on her blog a few days ago that she still needs to use some sort of head support (like a Snuzzler – which is what I STILL use for my 5 month old when I put him into our jogging stroller. If she’s too cheap to buy a $12 product, a rolled up blanket works too.

      I just can’t imagine putting such a tiny baby in a big stroller that gets bounced around so much no matter how “flat” the surface she’s walking on is. I’ve never been to Cville, but isn’t it a historic town? I’ve seen pictures of downtown and it looks like there’s a lot of brick streets and sidewalk – not exactly smooth or flat.

      Again, she only thinks about herself as usual.

      • avatar Max says:

        I can’t comment much on the safety issues–we used the carseat stroller until about 5-6 months with my first kid, because he fucking hated the two other strollers until then, and my daughter was born in the early fall, and I kept her in the carseat stroller through the winter, just because it seemed cozier and less drafty. If I were her, I’d want to keep him warm and snuggly/secure (either with an adapter or a snuzzler or some kind of support), because he’d be more likely to sleep that way. When mine were that age, I’d have bought any gadget that would have increased the chance that they’d nod off during a ride. It just seems like she’s so focused on his advanced genius-level head support and his overall precociousness that she’s missing the point.

  7. avatar blogarella says:

    Before reading down I legit thought that was ice cream! Seriously.

    I cannot understand the appeal of KERF. Sure, I love (really cannot emphasize this enough) the recaps, but I cannot fathom someone actually reading her daily oat updates. It is simply unfathomable. I guess the reason she makes money is because the is the vanilla of vanilla. Apart from being smug as shit, PR or marketing peeps think she is benign. Unlikely to hurt their product. She is like a children’s colouring book page: blank, white, not colourful and lively. KERF is two years older than me yet she feels decades away. It’s fine if this sort of existence makes her happy, but deep down I don’t think it does. I think she had a baby for blog fodder, not directly though. I’m not insinuating she doesn’t love her kid; but I think she had him to make that next step to mommy blogger. If she didn’t have a kid her blog would have fizzled out over the next 12 – 18 months.

  8. avatar Smug smuggler sumuggest says:

    What a JOKE that she claimed they were going to try elimination communication! She can’t even read the most obvious signs of hunger in her baby, let alone subtle cues that he needs to go potty. Poor Mazen. His parents are complete asshats and that video is proof that he will never be able to trust his mother to put his needs before her own. He can show that clip to his therapist someday and it will explain everything.

    • avatar blogarella says:

      I guess that is one good (?) thing. Baby Carbz will have plenty of illustrative proof to bring to therapy. I really hope when he is older he doesn’t blame himself for not measuring up to the oats, nutbutter or scuffins in his moms life. I’m sure he will find his people one day. Or he will become some sort of super smug monster, I hope not.

  9. avatar berfbarf says:

    Y’all, I am way past the baby stage with a teen and a tween at my house. I really don’t even care for babies that much any more — I don’t want another one, I don’t want to hold random babies, etc. But that video of that poor baby makes me so very, very, very sad.

    I was and am not a perfect parent, by any stretch of the imagination. But when I have messed up in the past and when I mess up now, I immediately tried to rectify the situation. Even now, I apologize to my children for overreacting to something (I have a tendency to say, “OK. You’re grounded from EVERYTHING” for offenses ranging from slamming the door to failing a test he or she didn’t study for.).

    So KERFass and Bath Matth thought it would be cute to video the baby with a snotty nose and hungry as can be. OK, fine. But to do that, and then see the video as it really is and then to post the video, receive critical comments, and NOT REMOVE THE VIDEO?

    That takes a special kind of sociopath, I think. RAGE.

    • avatar myfakie says:

      They’ve now posted their own comments by way of explanation.

    • avatar KERFpolice says:

      I would not respect them for just removing it. There needs to be some aknowlegement it was in poor taste and this is a sign og hunger, blah blah for all her blind followers. Same with the spray paint incident. Admit fault like a grown up, thank people for alerting you to this and use it to help your minions not make the same mistep.

  10. avatar Coach Clodhoppers says:

    I made Lyndsie’s beans and greens soup yesterday. It was gross. I was hoping it would be delicious and I could freeze some for the winter, but it was actually bad enough that I dumped the whole pot after I ate half a bowl. I’m a pretty good cook and followed the recipe, so I figure there’s a couple options here:

    1. It’s just a bland as shit soup, which is why Lyndsie made it for KERF, and which is why KERF actually liked it enough to make it again for herself.
    2. KERF took Lyndsie’s recipe, thought she could improve upon it, and left out a few crucial ingredients when she put it on her page.

    Either way, do NOT follow the beans and greens soup recipe on KERF’s page because you will end up with bland, mealy tasting soup. Blah.

    • avatar lolganic ham says:

      I’m pretty sure Kathy “updated” Lynsie’s recipe to suit her speshul “palate.”

      • avatar Kathater says:

        Yeah, I think you’re right. Didn’t she say she made some adjustments to the recipe and updated it on her website? I remember that because I thought, Oh damnit she ruined what was probably a perfectly good recipe before I had the chance to copy/paste it.

    • avatar Razen Mazen says:

      She actually said she (Kathy) adjusted Lindsey’s recipe to her own version. No wonder it sucked!

  11. avatar Death by Scuffin says:

    I really need her to change the name of her blog. It is inaccurate. Kath does not eat real food. Kath does not even know what real food looks like. Salmon and cheddar cheese on the same dish? Urk. And what sort of a foodie says that they have never been impressed by fresh pasta? And then serves fresh pasta as a salad topping? And adds things to her food to provide bulk? Bulk! I am so disgusted I may have to wash down my breakfast (not oatmeal) with some fine boxed wine.

  12. avatar Marshall Law f.k.a. Erin says:

    I’m sick of the “white people problems” and “first world problems” as much as the rest of the populous…but a SAHM of ONE that is so worried about her own 26 minutes of daily excercise (which she could easily do by schlepping her effing child off on his FATHER or her MOTHER in LAW or the DAYCARE their gym provides) that she is going to bounce Baby Corn Dog around on cobblestones so she can BRAG about how she WALKED to do her motherfucking errands. Maybe if they Smugsons didn’t have the picked through pantry of an army of post-apocolyptic survivors 6 months AFTER the meteorite hit earth, she wouldn’t have to run so many errands. Here’s a thought, be efficient…buy more than $25 worth of groceries at a time. Keep some food in your house. I work two jobs, one being self-employment so if I dick off during I’m only hurting my own bottom line. I still make time to do my “errands” without having to drag my family along for the ride.

    And if you are too busy (you have the money) get an effing nanny so at least someone in the household cares and feeds for Baby Corn Dog when he’s hungry rather than video taping him on the internets.

    I swear the only reason she popped BCD out of her vag was she thought it would be less expensive and more convenient than buying such a cute accessory at Pottery Barn.

  13. avatar phoshizzle says:

    “… and a piece of fakery bread that must have been like three weeks old because she toasted it, and girlfriend don’t toast her bread.”

    Dead :D

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