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- Pregnant Headstand on KERF Recaps: Reboot Edition, Post 326
In Wednesday’s post, Kathy rambles on about how she had to carry Toddler Carbz up a hill from a park and the weather (which she is currently “loving”) like a nervous teenager writing a thank you note to a piano tutor:
It was quite the bonus workout, but I’m thankful he still loves to snuggle in my arms. He’s a mama’s boy for sure!
I think our time outside is paying off because I already feel lighter all over.
What The Fuck Ever. Tell us the list of exercises you did this week and the boring stupid flour-based items you ate and somehow thought you could lose weight while eating.
• Kathy walked to the gym for what sounds like a small group class with her personal trainer. There was something they called a “chip workout” but an “ab cramp …. took [her] out” so she couldn’t complete this mess:
5 minutes plank // 75 lunges holding a weight in the air // 75 pushups // 5 minutes jump rope // 5 minutes wall sits // 75 kettlebell rows // 75 crunches // 5 minutes wall squats on a bosu
I’m just happy she didn’t work the phrase “los cheeps” in there.
But wait! Kathy has advice about how to do the copied workouts she crapped out on:
You can do these in any interval you want, but your goal is to complete all of the numbers and time. MAN was it hard! We didn’t even finish in 30 minutes. I rotated through and only finished the pushups (broke my record of 37 and did 45 in a row!) and the rows. I got an ab cramp during the crunches that took me out!
• She walked to the gym for “athletic conditioning” class.
Thankfully it was a lot of running and jumping and not much on the pushup front because I was pretty sore from the day before! We did a lot of sprints and even headed outside!
I wonder how many actual athletes are being conditioned, and how many stay-at-home-moms are just being encouraged by their therapists to exhaust themselves in order to burn off all their resentful anger energy.
• Again, Kathy walked to the gym and her poor personal trainer had her do some stuff and then she completed 20 minutes of unspecified “cardio.”
• It was raining one day so she didn’t do shit.
• Adult soccer.
We tied in the last minute of the game – otherwise we would have won!
• She ran 3 miles and, later,
walked to the gym for an activity.
I don’t mean to be crude, but what the fuck does that mean? Is that how she refers to bowel movements?
I worked in the café while Mazen played with his friends. 5 miles covered!
And why was her walk home a mile shorter?
• A soccer game on Saturday night, because even being a “Portlandia” sketch about humorless grown-up 7-year-olds would be an improvement at this point.
• Not-Irish soda bread. Bath Matt made her an extra loaf, I guess because he knew that she wouldn’t ever make the recipe she raved about being super easy last week.
• The previously mentioned bread, which she calls “ISB,”
(I accidentally typed IBS!)
eggs, kiwi, and orange juice
on the side leftover from a picnic.
Did Kathy have a picnic and ferry home the last two ounces of reconstituted frozen orange juice? Did she get invited some place and ask if she could take home the last 1/10 of a jar of Simply Tangerine? So many questions.
• What she calls
a yogurt mess with jam, sunbutter, lots of chia seeds and banana. This was so good on one of our first warm mornings!
Funny, she doesn’t mention the spittoon that clearly had to be involved.
• Eggs, banana, nut butter, coffee
and something she refers to as “Irish Soda,” but it’s not Guinness, so WTF. She literally calls this the “breakfast of champs.”
Sorry. Champs can polish off an entire banana.
• Kiwi and “cinnamon chip bread” that she “dunked” in yogurt.
A strange combo that was surprisingly fun in texture!
• Not Irish bread with white cheddar:
(I had this on a yogurt-for-breakfast day so as not to overload on bread)
Whatever that means.
Served with a simple spinach salad and half a mango that I had fun digging out with my grapefruit spoon.
• Like two spoons of leftover rice and turkey
atop a salad plus sweet potato fries! Mazen stole half of my fries – that sneak!
Dude, he was doing you a favor. Look at these carbon spikes:
Since we’ve already read the sickening details of how she heated vegetables and canned beans on old tortillas, her dinner section consists merely of four meal-planned plates of distress and her lunch section is essentially leftovers of each of these:
• Chicken, carrots, cabbage, and buckwheat noodles that she thinks her child called “doots.” Toddler Carbz was trying to enlighten Katherine about the stunning steel-body deuce with red leatherette interior he saw for sale just a few hours up I-95, but she was too busy thinking up poetic ways to describe her meal:
Loved this!!! Super delicious.
• Tilapia and cabbage with cheese and “kale-herb” sauce.
What herb? Doesn’t matter! (Unless it’s Buttercream Leaf) Oregano? Horehound? It’s a mystery.
This was probably the healthiest meal I’ve had all year! I added parmesan [sic] cheese on top, but there was still so much greeeeeeen with the kale-herb sauce too! If we had had bread in the house or rice cooked I would have added some. Yum!
• For lunch, toast, leftover noodles and vegetables
over a salad with hot smoked salmon and cheese.
Which just sounds tuna-curry-on-a-plane horrible.
• Chicken piccata, broccoli, and rice cooker-prepared farro,
which the Internet tells me is a spelt-like “awned wheat.”
This meal rocked! Farro is my new favorite food. It’s like a cross between wheatberries and rice – lots of chew! It cooked up nicely in the rice cooker.
• Farro and kale pesto and liquid.
Another winner, this soup tasted so healthy. Loved the differing textures and the kale pesto on top!
• The same thing in leftover form:
An all-in-one lunch!
She ends by saying she hopes people are enjoying “spring eats.” I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but if pesto in soup is part of it, please bring on the electric blackouts of summer.