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STUFT Up 2: I don’t always take a cutback week, but when I do, it includes a half marathon AND a marathon.

First, hamcats, a couple quick notes. The “STUFT” in Stuft Mama began life as an acronym for STehly Ultimate Family Training. I’m guessing that Stuft originally wanted to market either a program for developing eating disorders within a family context, or a way for whole families to get in shape together.

Unlike their wife and mother, Andrew and the Demolition Twins have clearly read Urban Dictionary’s definition of “stuft”:

when u fill up a chick like an empty gas tank. pronounced stuhft, this is an adjective that can be used to describe a good dick-down or fuck session.

i went home with that random and STUFT.

i totally stuft that chick last night.

Second, those of you new to Stuft who have checked out her blog or GOMI thread have figured out that girlfriend has some serious problems with exercise and food.

(The question you are probably not asking yourself is, “Is that seriously a Quest bar?”. Unfortunately, that is the question you should be asking.)

She also has an aw-shucks way of talking that can make you feel like a bigger failure than Arctic Zero at an ice cream convention for not following up your six mile run with a spin class, a step class, and a body blast class the day after you race a marathon.

So if you decide to follow these recaps and/or her blog, especially if you struggle or have struggled with eating issues, please take care of yourself. Keep it safe, sane and snarky, and remember that the purpose of some lives is to serve as a warning to others.

I will promise, though, to keep calorie information out of the recaps, with one exception that will sabotage nobody, and to document as much as possible the overexercise insanity (00hamcats report that Stuft regularly does additional cardio that she keeps off the blog).

For example!

My running this [last] week has been so so. It’s been a bit of another cut back week.

A cutback week! Great. Let’s see:

Monday – 6 miles, spin class, step class
Tuesday – two runs of unreported length, BOSU class
Wednesday – 10 miles, spin class
Thursday – 10 miles, fitness class with the cool kids
Friday – 6 miles
Saturday – boot camp class; Olympic-level pouting while her sons burned calories played soccer

Okay, that’s kind of a lot for a “cutback” week, but given Stuft’s usual it seems reasonable enou

1st Sunday – trail half marathon race

This week, of course, Stuft will be starting her taper for the NYC Marathon on November 2.

Setting aside the marathon, Stuft’s big #fitmama #mamalete #whyamiusingsomanyhashtags (I did not make that up) moment was her Thursday fitness class:

Fitwall is become a favorite. My campaign through Fitfluential is over, but I like it so much I went to take another class yesterday.

In other words: her family can’t afford to run the AC during a 100*F (38*C) heatwave, Stuft had already run 10 miles that day, she teaches classes at a gym where she can take other classes for free, but “couldn’t not” pay for ass class.

I always have the same discussion

What an accurate description of your blog.

about how it’s a perfect cross training workout for runners

Yes, hamcats, Stuft is a RUNNER who RUNS and by the way she is a RUNNER and did you know she RUNS?

Fitwall’s gimmick is super-specialized equipment and personal TV screens with personalized calorie counts. Hilariously for everyone except Stuft Daddy

and the Boy Destructors soaking in pools of sweat at night, Stuft is able to replicate most of the actual workout on a pinko Commie park bench for her Saturday boot camp class. (Which adaptation, joking aside, is honestly a credit to Stuft as a fitness instructor, and yet another reminder that she has thrown away what could have been a productive career as a teacher and runner in pursuit of burning calories).

Meanwhile, on the home front,

It’s all about the fall themed coffee mugs, fall hand soap and fall scented candles right now. I always have to go with the season

So, last December I was at Elsinore, 45 miles north of Stuft in Escondido. The high was 71F (22C) and the low was 40. You know what we call that in Velvetville? June.

The Demolition Twins are apparently playing Gulag Soccer:

Fortunately for them, Stuft knows the key to popularity in kiddie sports isn’t actual skill but rather having the mom who breaks out the real goodies!

Yeah, they’re screwed.

The Wonder Brothers get lots of adventures with Dad this week, going to new places, learning about the natural world, expanding their eager young minds. But take heart, hamcats! The Stuftalupagus is not to be outdone on the adventure and learning front.

Keeping with her seasonal theme, Stuft dines on zombie apocalypse

and salmonellarexia

and apparently this:

which appears to consist of
1. What is either a purple sweet potato taking its own cinnamon challenge, or maybe a grocery store Epsilon Minus Semi-Potato with, like, melted Laffy Taffy and KY
2. STUFT Seedy Bread, which is coconut flour and chia seeds held together by Metamucil and film noir voiceovers
3. Two entire quarter-teaspoons of peanut-free nut butter blopped sadly onto squash like those two little turdballs that come before the diarrhea

Oh, and in case you were worried that the Stuft Seedy “Bread” might somehow contain actual calories, here’s a handy scale:

Sunday, Stuft ran a marathon. Here are the things you should take away from her borderline-manic recap:

1. Stuft can wake up at 2:15 AM if she gets to burn 26.2 miles’ worth of calories, but she CBA to get up on time to get her kids to preschool at 10.

2. Stuft has friends, you guys.

3. Run Eat Repeat can work a camera angle like a male prostitute works the RNC, because in no world are these women the same size:

4. No, seriously! She has actual friends.

5. Bikers stroll. On their bikes.

6. Some of them aren’t even Instagram friends!

7. Using number of pictures as a metric, this last-minute husband-punishing marathon was 200% as important as shilling compression socks (!!!), and 436% as important as her tenth wedding anniversary.

8. Well, okay, two of them aren’t Instagram friends.

9. For those of you new to Stuft, this is what she means by “shower”:


This event actually has a lot of other events also in addition to the marathon. You better believe I’m already planning on making it a family trip next year so the boys can run the kids fun run.

Stuft stats!

Alarm clock photos: 1
Car clock photos: 1
Port-a-potty photos: 1
Blurry night running photos: 4
Photos of low-calorie food that Stuft was not supposed to eat but did: 1
Photos of higher-calorie food that Stuft could have eaten but did not: 1
Photos of Stuft taking photos: 1
Suggested time to wait between marathons: 14-16 weeks
Weeks until Stuft’s next marathon: 3
Chrome spellcheck: does not recognize “chia”