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On Wednesday, Kathy gave herself another Weight Loss Report Card, where she basically says she’s eating slightly fewer vegetables, but in every other area of life, approaching perfection despite the greatest efforts of her diabolical, attention-needing 18-month-old baby.
Last time I gave myself a B+ overall – good effort but too many slips…or whatever you want to call them.
I feel like it’s hard to talk about weight loss in the blog world without accusations that you’re being too hard on yourself,
Or maybe that’s just because fellow “healthy living bloggers” know that if they flatter you, their comment — and link to their blog — is less likely to get deleted.
but I’m in this stage now where I am totally happy with my body but I want to lose 5ish more pounds to get me where I maintained for years. The “Vanity Pounds” if you will.
I will not.
Okay, so Kathy’s telling her audience that she’s super strict with herself when it comes to diet and exercise, and that she knows that people are going to say she’s too hard on herself, and she doesn’t even need to lose weight because she totes loves her body; she’s just so in touch that she can embrace her “vanity.” She’s also been having a little chat with her ovary-parts lately, she admits in the comments:
Kathy promises she’ll discuss this fascinating topic more in an upcoming post called “Then and Now” about how
In the last six months, she’s been working out and her clothes “fit better,” and she didn’t gain any weight over the holidays, but she hasn’t lost the “magic 5 pounds” she thought she would from weaning her baby, “alas.” She then says exactly the same thing twice:
Since having Mazen I have yet to “get serious” about weight loss. I haven’t had to resort to counting calories or cutting out all sugar or wine. I have always kept these methods in my back pocket but haven’t needed to use them …. I’ve debated getting really serious about weight loss – meaning cutting out all of the treats and/or keeping a food journal or counting calories, but I haven’t gotten to the point yet where I feel that is necessary. I’m kind of holding out to prove to myself that I can get there without needing to put that much effort in.
She ends the essay portion of the self-assessment by saying maybe
when spring springs might lose the same few pounds that I always do in warmer weather
So, she’s “downgraded” her “Vegetable Intake” from A+ to B because “the winter yucks” have made her not want vegetables.
This isn’t a huge concern though because it’s not salad season and salads don’t rule all (diversity does).
She’s changed her “Portion Control” grade from a B+ to an A, which I think means her grandmother has to give her a five-dollar bill in a cute card and tell her what a bright child she is. This is partially because she’s paying Cook Smarts to send her recipes saying exactly what to eat, and partially because her child is sleeping in so late that it’s really cutting into her time before her 9 a.m. start time at the gym, which is rigid because — I don’t know, maybe Kathy thinks she’ll get fired.
Lunch used to be a royal event, but now I just eat whatever’s in the fridge to knock my hunger out. #lifeofamom.
Oh boo hoo with your gym punctuality and your mid-day ravenousness.
She’s also given herself better grades in “Mindless Bites,” since she’s not selflessly saving “leftovers tossed away by” her child (she still only gives herself an A- though, because she ate an entire string cheese recently), and in “Dessert Intake” because she’s only got ice cream in the house, which is “just not appealing” in winter, and because
I went through a rough patch after Halloween when I had lots of chocolate on hand, but thanks to WASTE or WAIST I gave it away
She’s also not allowing herself alcohol at home unless it’s the weekend, so she’s changed her B- to a B:
During the week I’m trying to get my squiggly line to dip.
She awards herself “bonus points” for her “Exercise Quality” and continues to praise her “Exercise Motivation,” saying her gym’s childcare has been
saving my life.
She concludes by giving herself an A, which is super charming:
Even though I said above I haven’t tried very hard, I guess that’s not entirely true. I have been making small changes that add up – but it just doesn’t feel like I’m trying hard!
On Thursday, Kathy posted a lazy photo-dump of everything she ate last week and half-remembered some exercises from the previous week, topped with some Greek yogurt and self congratulation, of course. She says that since
My Lately posts came in as the top favorite kind of post in my survey (although you are definitely an audience divided!),
she’s going to
provide a little more of the “me” behind my choices.
Standard KERF. Need to do something different? Focus more on yourself.
The KERF behind her choices this week was that she was “struggling” with an upset tummy at the gym. Thank goodness her toast and eggs and banana didn’t make her blow chunks, but a bowl of oatmeal
did not do me well at the gym later that morning. Mazen slept a little later than usual so we ate later, and oatmeal really fills me up. It’s the reason it was my go-to breakfast for so many years – it sits heavy in there!
The anecdote ends with her bragging that she wasn’t hungry until noon, so unless she let loose with a mortifying fart fest in “Athletic Conditioning,” it’s not clear how it sucked at the gym for her to have consumed oats. She then lists what she did for exercise every day: six miles pushing the stroller around, something called “Fitness Fusion” that includes “80s leg lifts and things”; “walking around Nola*”; “athletic conditioning”; time with her personal trainer; “stairmastering,” and, one day,
a short 20 minutes of cardio before I ducked out to join my friends in the pool.
Then, it’s time for some thoughts on how her child makes her lunchtime suck:
Too often I eat them standing up at the counter because I’m starving after my workout and shower, and Mazen needs me to change something about his lunch too much to sit down. Lunch used to be such a treat to take a break from my day, but I find these days I’m just itching to get it over with! Such a shame.
Her omgsocrappy lunches and dinners are: bread and leftover rice, chicken, and cheese; bread and soup with avocado on top;
bread and soup with cheese on top; bread, salad, chicken, sweet potatoes, cheese; “chickpeas, noodles and kale”; and this,
which she accidentally called “green curry.” Of her second serving of the foul thing, she writes:
Filled in with rice for carbs and hot sauce for flavor. This bowl didn’t fill me up as much…. good but on the watery side for some reason. Probably my mistake.
You think? Someone ought to call a plumber for that curry.
Still, there’s a tad more self-criticism in this post:
Another salad dinner – because I probably dropped the ball again but I don’t quite remember …. This salad had cooked zucchini, more leftover chicken and crumbled cheese over baby spinach. At least I had the thought to make a salad dressing from scratch! Our latest favorite is a mix of olive oil, apple cider vinegar, and a dill-flavored mustard that adds so much zest.
Last week was a bit hectic and crazy and I’m hoping this next week is on the calmer side : )
I don’t buy “hectic” or “crazy” unless there was a blizzard cattle herding she somehow neglected to mention, let alone both at the same time. That infuriating/spot-on New York Times article about being “busy” that everyone was talking about a few years ago wasn’t meant as a guide, Kathy.
Meanwhile, on Instagram, Bath Matt is showing off his latest method of slicing bread: his cheekbones.
Someone in her comments asks if he’s sick, and Kathy reasonably deflects the question by saying he’s just sick of winter, and the commenter is like, no, for reals, he looks “worn out,” and then chimes out a few comments later saying he looks “sunken.” Not pictured: Bath Matt sees the back and forth, sighs in frustration that Kierkegaard could only dream of, and goes back to making the fakery chain’s new (to him) wheat-dust-exposed nearly gluten-free recipe. My own theory is that he maybe looks tired because he didn’t realize they actually sent him a recipe, and has been science-ing until the wee hours trying to figure out on his own, in the basement, how to get gluten out of his flour, and that the results about as successful as this
multiplied by this:
Kathy rounded out last week with someone else doing her writing for her, and another person thinking up her nutrition for her.
Thursday’s post is another guest post from another Registered Dietitian who blogs about “plant-based recipes”
and “food intolerance*” and, unlike Kathy, “offers nutrition consultations!” Guest blogger Alexandra says she almost never gives out calorie counts and meal plans because they’re pretty ineffective, which is funny because the former is what Kathy adhered to when trying to get to and stay at her 126-pound goal weight, and the latter because meal plans are what she’s trying now. So why don’t those things work?
I find that when my clients restrict their caloric intake by reducing portion size or skipping snacks, they do ok for a while… until they don’t.
Alexandra recommends eating foods with a lot of vitamins.
Simply stated, we should emphasize foods in our diet that are rich in vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals and antioxidants- and low in calories. Examples include fresh fruit, vegetables, and whole grains.
Examples also include sugar-free Red Bull and a bowl of swiss chard drizzled with melted gummy vitamins.
Craving a bowl of fettuccini? Me too! Add in some nutrient dense vegetables and a side salad. You still get to enjoy the flavor, texture, and comfort of pasta while filling up on fiber & water-rich vegetables.
Hungry for ten cigarettes and a whole tray of pink fuzzy slipper Nutty Butter cookies?
Grab a bowl of baby carrots and squirt a lemon in a glass of SodaStream seltzer and you’re all good!
Want to blend a canister of Funfetti frosting with an $8 bottle of cake-flavored vodka? Who gives a shit! Chase it down with a freshly cubed mango spritzed in lime juice and some raw almonds.
Anyway, fettuccine-recommending Alexandra says this works because
Nutrient dense eating cancels out the deprivation factor of traditional weight loss diets.
Oh. It’s just that easy. We could have all been eating fettuccine this whole time and losing weight. What the fuck have any of us been doing trying anything else?
After saying you’ll feel more full if you focus on protein and fat rather than stuff like carbohydrates, Alexandra ends with a pilaf recipe.
I don’t know what it is about carbs, but I generally can’t get enough of them! (I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s my Italian heritage : ) ) By adding green beans, cauliflower, carrots & tomatoes to this flavorful pilaf, I am still able to enjoy a large side of rice- by increasing the nutrient density of the dish! Now, I can almost enjoy double the amount of rice I normally would for the same amount of calories.
I’m not sure exactly what she’s saying, but I guess it means the next time I eat Shell station nachos in bed, the calories won’t absorb if I follow it with five bananas.
Here’s the final version of the pilaf. I don’t think Kathy made it. It looks very serene, and it has a tiny green bean handle.
The recipe looks like an okay introduction to rice pilaf for someone who’s new to Indian food, maybe.
Not Kathy, of course. She’d break out in hives if someone even thought of Thai green chilis around her.
My favorite part of the guest RD post, though, is in the comments, where women commiserate about what’s worked and not worked in dieting. One woman says, in part,
I’ve done the weight watcher,
which just makes me think of Olya Povlatsky on Saturday Night Live.
Friday’s post returned to long-suffering trainer Erin, who thought she was maybe going to get some cool local blogger buzz in exchange for a few easy weekly routines with someone who supposedly had tons of experience Body Pumping, yoga-ing, ballet-ing, and forcing her family into beach vacation “boot camp.”
Anyway, Kathy is doing SO AWESOME at working out, and shares her own routine. I don’t know anything about exercise because I try not to go outside — I nearly broke my ankle bringing in take-out from the car today.
This week we shifted from 18-20 reps down to 12-15 reps with heavier weight. I feel that this is my sweet spot for lifting so I am hoping for great results!
This apparently scares her, however because “heavy weight territory” makes her feel like
they might crush my spine like a cartoon picking up a barbell
Of all the times you pick to fear looking cartoonish, Kathy?
Kathy is absolutely amazing at the heavy weight lifting, however. She grabbed 20 pounds of vicious metal but her
hamstrings handled it with ease. The next thing I know she has me picking up a 50 pound kettlebell …. [which was] perfect – just enough to feel the burn by the end of our set. And not as bad as I thought.
She rattles off the rest of her exercises with the same care she devotes to describing meals:
some squats with a heavy cage-like bar
I hate all things calf!! Mine are big enough as they are
She includes the detail that she concluded the workout “glistening in sweat.”
Uh, she then does a workout that she tried loosely to tie in to
preparation for my trip to Key West
For example: the 10 of hearts would be 10 bounder burpees and when you drew another heart – say the 8 of hearts – you’d do 8 bicycle crunches.
Apparently, she and her sister broke up the hours they spent watching curling by doing this card workout and running in between each card and it was “really fun.” Gee, Kathy, are you enjoying exercise? That…. that would be a nice way for this shill to turn out.
One week to go!
Well. Guess that answers my question.
* I amuse myself by imagining that “food intolerance” is like some kind of militant, caloric supremacy, adhered to by humorless people who think rhubarb, mascarpone, and hazelnuts are pure evil.
Kathy’s vacation recap continued Wednesday with a rundown of the coconuts she encountered and Coors (well, Third Shift) she “sipped” in Key West.
First, there was the coconut photographed, which she appears to be very proud of
perhaps because she was floating on a breakfast of mojit-oats.
Boy oh boy did we eat well in Key West! I think I had mojitos for breakfast, lunch and dinner : ) And ice cream every night!
The second coconut would have actually been less confusing had Kathy not included a caption. How does one get confused by a coconut, you ask?
“Drilled fresh through”? Does she mean the coconut was drilled freshly, and, if so, what the fuck does that mean? Does she mean the guy drilled through both sides of the coconut like a dummy (unlikely)? Why does “drilled” go with “fresh,” and what the hell is “through” even doing in that sentence?
Kathy, this sentence about a coconut might be your dumbest recipe yet and I can’t believe I’ve spent a minute thinking about it.
Kathy’s Key West Konfusion doesn’t end there:
• The weather was difficult to describe:
It was perfect on our first day – a really hot one!
• She feels compelled to near-apologize for getting “delish” take-out sushi the first night:
we didn’t have groceries and needed to get Mazen to bed
and gets flummoxed trying to answer a reader asking for a healthy sushi recommendation:
Kathy didn’t appear to do a lot of cooking while on vacation, thanks to a combination of restaurants and her family cooking meals like proper adults: a Rachel Ray fish chowder recipe that Karen brought, two meals her sister and her husband made and Kathy couldn’t resist snarking on:
Mexican Shrimp Bowls with sweet potato, guac, cheese and more
shrimp burgers, although they didn’t stay together very well. I had mine on the side of a big salad that I made.
• “Killer toast” and fruit her dad bought:
mangoes, oranges and avocados – that were really fun to have.
• “Juicy shrimp” at a restaurant with
plenty of Jerk seafood to eat.
• Sandwiches at a café:
Karen and I split the croissant turkey and pesto and Matt had an Italian on ciabatta.
• Cuban cuisine at a restaurant, which imparted the secrets of the tostonera and the mystical meaning of the guayabera shirt to Kathy’s tongue:
the food tasted like it was totally authentic …. blacked [sic] grouper
with rice, plantains and black beans! Matt and Karen had classic pork and beef dishes. Yum!
Yes, the food was so good that by dessert, it had convinced Kathy of its legitimate Cuban nature.
• More Cuban food that Miss Cuba totally knew was for real:
more Cuban bread – these classic sandwiches Karen got from a nearby café. Served with salad and plantain chips.
• With all the doing nothing and eating stuff other people made, Kathy clearly needed some rest time, so she and Bath Matt
slipped away for a lunch out during naptime
(which sounds…. dangerous) to “sip” beers, eat salads, and nachos.
• Crepes at a restaurant where Kathy pictured the exact moment where Bath Matt knew his life needed re-evaluating
• $5 pizza and two-for-one sweaty glasses of white wine at a place
above a neat restaurant called nine one five that I wish I had gotten to enjoy!
Since she doesn’t explain why she didn’t get to go to ninety six rock real alternative restaurant, I’m going to pretend it’s because she brought the bears and tried to sneak them in wearing sunglasses.
From top left clockwise: Key Lime Pie, Apple Fritter, Creamsicle, Vanilla Cake Bacon Bourbon and Pistachio Lime. YUM!
Uh? A commenter points out that Kathy probably means counter-clockwise, and Kathy attempts to describe in two separate responses:
36 KathEats February 19, 2014 at 12:23 pm
I meant clockwise, but then I jumped to the second row!
Ha – so I went back to review. I did go clockwise but then I jumped to the second row. Let me go change the order.
• A prickly pear mojito, salad with fried fish on top, conch fritters (hey!) and mango beer at another restaurant Karen took them to
while my parents babysat during a naptime
• More wine on a porch, and a “green juice” from another place, and
On our final night we young people went appetizer hopping.
Once Kathy returned to Charlottesville, she re-dedicated herself to important priorities like bragging about how healthy, petite, and adjacent to cookies she is, via Instagram:
On Thursday, AT&T paid Kathy to give away a $150 giftcard, a package of Olympic swag, and a $400 Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 (which sounds like a very ambitious soda) and to upload a gif of her cheering “U-S-A!” on a site that triggers other people yelling the same thing as your mouse moves over a bunch of tiles.
She says her dumb upload (she tried to do one with Toddler Carbz, but “he doesn’t know the words yet”) will apparently
support Team USA. The athletes’ determination, perseverance, and grit inspire us, and we owe it to them to send some digital love from the other side of the world!
She also had to write a post detailing how she finds motivation during her own workouts. Even though she is
no where near Olympic status on anything (even oatmeal making ; )
the post is somehow related to the Olympics and Kathy digging deep into her own resolve to watch
more hours than I can count watching Curling while in Key West.
She says that she has been able to motivate herself by
• remembering things past athletic instructors have used as encouragement: “You can rest, but don’t stop moving,” and “this is when the magic happens” and “because you can.” That last one, in a cycling class, gave Kathy
a little gratitude that I had legs that worked – and worked well
• Thinking of the gym as an “Indoor Playground.”
• Tuning out:
So when you’re deep into a set of 15 and it starts to burn at rep 8, think about what outfit you’re going to wear later on or what you’ll be having for lunch and just keep moving!
Kathy ends the week with a post about more shit she’s bought/been comped recently and her complaints about said items:
• Chocolate not-tea she was given for free by some company:
It’s actually really delicious!! I like it after dinner with a few pinches of sugar and a splash of milk. It’s not too watery (my biggest complaint of other choco-teas) at all. I wouldn’t call it full-bodied, but it’s really satisfying. I’ve been using a loose leaf tea strainer to brew it.
• Organic beer a sponsor gave her from his cousin’s brewery in California. She liked the porter:
It has a touch of black licorice root that really gave it a fun twist.
Way to basically crib from the beer place’s website, Kathy.
• An $18 lip gloss she bought because it “tingles” and a “gentleman” at Fashion Square Mall recommended the color. Kathy takes this opportunity to remind us that she has exceedingly high standards for lip gloss, and usually gets her hair stuck in it and then gets it all over her child because it’s “way too tacky.” Yes, tacky. There’s a word one could never call Kathy:
Holla at BareMinerals for their amazing Moxie lip gloss!
• A white lidded container for salt. She got it at Target.
Previously our salt was in an ancient little bowl-thingy with a flip-top lid that Matt loves because Alton Brown uses one. Sure, it worked well, but it was so clunky …. I came home with this salt box and Matt rolled his eyes, but I love how cute it is!!! It’s much prettier on our countertops and retrieving some kosher salt from the box is easier to me than the big metal guy from before.
and a beige tray to put a candle on. She just
the tray. It’s by Threshold, a Target store brand that she’s apparently bought three generic kitchen canisters from.
In addition to the Target itself being “a bit of a haul to get to” (seriously, Target — what were you thinking not placing your store in a place that was convenient to Kathy’s preferred routes about town?),
My only complaint is that everything is spread out by department so you really have to dig to find the pockets of goodies in the store! I wish there was a complete Threshold store – or at least a big corner of Target dedicated to a display.
Yeah, it’s too bad there are no retailers of quirky housewares in Charlottesville itself that one could locate at any hour online, except for Low, Circa, Alden’s Antiques, Saint Peter’s Attic Consignments, Sandy Muraca’s 2nd Street Market, Forsythia Hill, and so on, and so on.
She ends with another giveaway, this time for a $100 gift card from the company who gave her the $108 swimsuit and some workout clothing (a $42 tank top, a $38 long-sleeved shirt, a $68 pair of yoga pants with a ruffly, striped cummerbund, and a $98 zip-up jacket with ruffles on the zipper). She called the stuff “super soft and well cut,” even though it was “true to size,” meaning
Everything I ordered based on measurements was a medium and I usually wear smalls in stores.
Instagram has also showed us this week that, in addition to not being able to dress herself without the help of Stitchfix (a company that sends you clothing based on your answers to a 30-minute quiz)
she can’t really feed herself on her own either:
The breakthrough with the salad dressing resulted in this Instagram video, where an off-screen Kathy says in a strangely mocking voice, with long pauses in between thoughts, during which you can hear Bath Matt stabbing his own leaves in the background: “You like…. salad, I see. Good! That’s what mommy and daddy are eating too. You have molars now, so you can chew leaves, like—”
Like what? We never get to find out, because Kathy is off to New Orleans, heeding the Pavlovian bell of that national dairy lobbying group that had to retract its claims that eating dairy would make you lose weight. And what a light-traveling, generous, seat-giving-up traveler she is:
Kathy, you found yourself sitting next to a toddler and were like hell no, where’s this kid’s mom so I can switch seats? And you have a tablet and a bluetooth keyboard for it, so stop making it sound like you figured out how to do all your comment-moderation from your phone. Even if you had, um, bravo?
Enjoy the artichoke parmesan soup and free yogurt or whatever in New Orleans.