Author Archives: conchshell

Kathy’s post on her free, 24-hour in-no-way-meant-to-cajole-her-into-writing-positively-about-General-Mills, trip to visit the company in May is finally up.

I didn’t think twice when I accepted the trip – I am passionate about learning about all things related to the food industry – from farms like Polyface and Twin Oaks to large and historic brands like Quaker and now General Mills. I wanted to see what the company had to offer, from both a food and corporate perspective.

Oh hush. You just wanted to get out of chores like not folding laundry, and painting the smudge behind the trash can lid, and not having a job.

Kathy goes on to contradict what she just said, saying that, ahem,

Not long after Mazen started eating Cheerios

Oh good grief. Go on. The flack asked you to come to General Mills’ headquarters with some other grinning blog chicks.

…I was breastfeeding so traveling alone wasn’t really an option right now, and she asked if I wanted to bring Mazen and Matt along too. This was the first sign that General Mills would be one of the most hospitable companies I’ve worked with.

Because they can afford to shell out for one other adult’s plane ticket to ensure a glowing review from someone who supposedly touts nothing but “Real Food”?

They made absolutely everything about traveling and working with a baby in tow as easy as possible – from the entire room they stocked with diapers, toys, cribs and baby food to the complete flexibility I had to nurse at any time during our visit.

So everything was awesome because they hooked her up with things for Baby Carbz to eat and poop in. And if not awesome, definitely distracting, as Kathy appears to have drifted off into a reverie about Chex when thinking about pal Caitlin and her baby, who “waves”… uh, what were you saying, Kathy?

Kathy eschews responsibility for writing anything deep right off the Chex-mix-coated bat, by directing readers to General Mills’ website rather than

go into detail about all the company is doing for public health, its efforts to increase whole grains and decrease sugar in all of its kids cereals or the work put into making the entire Chex line gluten-free.

Oh, come off it, Sarah McLachlan in that sad animal ad. You just think it’s a pain to Google things on your iPad.

General Mills is very modest about all of the improvements it has made with the main goal to “do the right thing.”

So modest that they spent thousands of dollars to get Kathy to do their pleading with the public for them.

As with any company, large or small, I’m sure some of you could find issues with General Mills.

Yes. That tiny diner down the street where you can still eat a plate of eggs and hot sauce-drenched hashbrowns on a stool and read someone else’s discarded newspaper to nothing but the sound of bacon frying? Totally just as responsible for the ebb and flow of food politics as THE COMPANY THAT MAKES COUNT CHOCULA.

Whether or not you want to eat General Mills’ cereal is up to you.

We in our family eat the cereals with the lowest sugar and simplest ingredient lists.

But that’s just cereals. When it comes to nut butters and cake, all bets are off.

Not all of the General Mills brands are ones I would choose to buy,

Unless they decide to send them to me for free. Speaking of which, hey! General Mills!

but I love Cascadian Farm, Food Should Taste Good chips, Larabar and several other of the “crunchy” ones.

She then decides to suddenly show us this picture:

“I’m serious, I wasn’t going to leave the pieces of Total arranged to spell out TAINT on the buffet table, guys….”

I guess so that we’ll be so distracted — from thinking, wait, did she just really say she was ignoring facts so she could just diet-blog? —by what appears to be a hastily snagged shot of Bath Matt being escorted off the premises — for what, I wonder? A sudden urge to check on the proverbial loaves, out of habit? No one liked his idea for a bourbon Cinnamon Toast Crunch stout? Or did he try to just make a bong out of a box of Fiber One?

So anyway, I guess the Younger-Smugsons

headed to the Mill Museum to learn about the cereal making process and grain industry

Thank you for explaining what the fuck this landmark is, Kathy. Like General Mills’ tastiest cereals, you are utterly devoid of useful content. Anyway, they they ate at a restaurant whose owner has been described in the actual press as being “a vocal supporter of natural foods and small, local producers; an avid traveler,” and a farmers’ market founder who describes herself as being “very picky” about which vendors are allowed in. Brenda Langton, Kathy writes,

greeted us warmly and left us to taste away.

Uh huh. So, for dinner, Kathy had a glass of Malbec and ruined her appetite with

an incredible loaf of warm bread. I think Matt and I were must [sic] enthusiastic.

before everyone (groan) shared their appetizers, one of which was a pistachio terrine

{like a mushroom loaf}

Kathy also mentions that even the “surprise garnishes” (she means onions on some salad) were “great.” Amazing what a little patronage will do to one’s supposedly super-sensitive garlic-wafting palate, I suppose. Anyway, Bath Matt probably had his first steak since Uncle Opium days, but his wife just couldn’t let anyone think her meal wasn’t the valedictorian of dinner:

But my Arctic Char stole the show. It was perrrrfectly cooked and served with a peach and blackberry salsa {on the side}, micro greens, asparagus and lentil pilaf.

This looks like hospital food. Hospital food that would bill you $100 for it, but hospital food.

Unfortunately, her stupid inconvenience of a baby made her miss dessert, but

I would have loved to taste around more!

In the morning, Big Chocula bussed them to an out-of-town compound where they had a wall of cereals to choose from, plus

a foodie’s dream of yogurt, berries, toppings, muffins, chia seed pudding (!) and more …  I had Cheerios and Kix with a few Lucky Charms for old time’s sake. Plus berries, pudding, a muffin made with Fiber One and lots of coffee!

After eating, they took a tour and engaged in small talk and Kathy oohed over the “food photography studio,” where food photographers learn how to not make date-based desserts look like petrified balls of ground beef you tried to get your dog to swallow his canine antidepressant in, as well as Caitlin’s post about “women’s issues” (her post was basically like, wow, they have nursing rooms! I would totally take a nap in here. Yeah. Grrl power, Caitlin.)

We both agreed that should we ever want to go back to working full time, this company would be the place to do it. The campus was gorgeous – it included a salon, bank, doctor’s office and more – and I imagine the quality of work-life is high. I’m not sure how well I’d do in Minneapolis winters though…

Yes, I’m sure they’re just dying for your napping butts to fill out a few W4s. Especially after her elaboration in the comments, if one can even call it  that:

I don’t think I’d want to tamper with preservatives and things trying to get the texture right in a new food, but doing something classic – like Cheerios – or working for a company like Stonyfield Yogurt would be my dream food industry job.

But Kathy did appear to be in somewhat of a miasma of having attention paid to her. For lunch, they had

Kales and greens, roasted vegetables, Brussels sprouts with lemon, gingered-shitake quinoa, roasted Yukon potatoes, chicken salad cups with Chex for crunch and [Chex]-crusted organic chicken … Desserts incorporated cereal too – Triple-Berry Cheesecakes with a Cinnamon Chex crust and Cereal + Milk Panna Cotta with Cocoa Puffs and Peanut Butter Cheerios on top.

since

General Mills got word that we loved vegetables

Yes, I’m sure downstairs was bustling just like Downton Abbey at the thought of Kathy’s arrival.

She ends with a few sentences talking about how Baby Carbz was pleased as seltzer-spiked punch to be “chowing down” and “playing,” plus a photo of him wearing a Cheerio necklace. Apparently, Baby Carbz was too exhausted to perform, so Bath Matt was the only one who took advantage of the

crafts for the babies – play dough and necklace making

Her disclosure says that while Big Chex flew her out and put her up, they didn’t give her like a million bucks in Fiber One or anything to do it, and she didn’t get paid extra. She elaborates on her huffy attitude in the comments, because she thought they said Whining was the Breakfast of Champions, I guess:

I should have asked for some compensation for my time. Matt did take off work, and the trip and post took a lot of time. I just wasn’t on my game at the time, and also felt that by flying Matt and things they were investing a lot, so I didn’t ask. Blogging is turning away from being a public relations thing and more towards advertising and marketing departments as bloggers realize their time’s worth and their influence.

However, many of her readers think there are better things to be upset about, like the devastating “Jen,” who I should just give smugnom to because she’s brilliant:

… you used to endorse a local, real-food ethic that is become more and more absent from your posts, which are littered with amazon-affiliate links, sponsorships and industrialized foods like general mills, sugar-free drinks and more … I wish that you would take a step back and decide who you are and what you believe in. You have a great platform here to spread positive messages of eating wholesome, real food, supporting local businesses and farmers and it is just so sad to see you buckling under the pressure/temptations of the corporate food industry just to have a free trip.

(Kathy’s response? She had a local grass-fed piece of meat the night before, so her “beliefs and support” remain the same. Because her writing is meaningless and her influence marginal, perhaps.) or “Amy,” who writes:

…What exactly IS real food, then, if Lucky Charms apparently counts? Anything we can put in our mouths and swallow? I thought the whole premise of your blog used to be that you DIDN’T eat processed stuff like this.

And the author of “Kath Eats Real Food” responds by saying that “Kath Eats Real Food”

has NEVER been about eating only real food. I think that would be too restricting. I focus on buying, cooking and growing real food and tasting other things as part of the human experience.

Huh. She also mentions that she won’t be getting into “gene spicing [sic] in a lab, which is new,” but maybe — given that it sounds like GMOs come from the same place as Mrs. Dash — that’s a good thing.

So say what you will about the company, genetically modified cereals, rainforest-destroying palm oil, progressive multiracial Cheerio ad — whatever. General Mills’ tiniest dangled incentive got a “Real Food”-eating blogger to hop over from Whole Foods bulk oat territory and climb aboard the Lucky Charms expressway. Kathy sold out faster than a sale on Kix.

So thanks for the entertainment to come, General Mills. If Kathy lowers her standards any more, they’ll be underneath her husband’s Syngenta tomatoes.

P.S. On her trip, I hope Kathy learned what the world’s best actual “hamburger helper” is. Hint: It’s an onion.